I was gobsmacked when I came across Andrex 'Subtle and Sylish' loo roll the other day. Described as "A little touch of contemporary style" and "A little thing to make your home your own", personally I would describe it as 'the latest con to get you to part with more of your money for a basic product'! It's consumerism gone mad - it's only toilet paper for goodness sake!
I had to see what else they were offering. Buying toilet paper is a complicated business! Do I go for the fun of 'Puppy on a Roll'? Or 'Aloe Vera' as my skin is obviously too delicate to come into contact with un-moisturised paper? But wait! Maybe it would be better to go for 'Quilts' with it's "plush layers of tissue to give the softness of quilts" (easier to block the toilet up with if you ask me!) And what is it with all these people who claim their bottoms are too sensitive to cope with 'ordinary' loo roll? Is it some kind of status symbol I'm not aware of?!
And then there's the ultimate in luxury - 'Shea Butter', with 'enriched sheets, scented inner core and luxurious dark brown packaging, designed to give you a fabulous feeling'!! The packaging is coming off straight away anyway! Finally, do I sacrifice all this comfort for the satisfaction of knowing my loo roll blends in with my bathroom decor to give 'just the right finishing touch', and buy the 'Naturals' range?
Well, obviously I do none of this. I'm just not that gullible!